why i love the_cook...

...we were catching up on each others' lives the other night via IM, and i was filling him in on all the craziness of the last few weeks, including the rebirth of the nutty ex drama...

me: he's telling people now that i keep trying to read his LJ
me: which is ridiculous, because it's been friends-only for, like, forever
cook: he'd better start covering his computer with tin foil
me: why?
cook: to shield it from your MIND RAYS...
me: *devolves into hysterical laughter*

i love my friends. they always make me feel better.

ooh, FUN! do this!

the bookstore mob project

she's worse.

god, i'd really hoped that i'd be bringing monkey home today. i figured with her feeding tube in, she's start getting more fluids and nutrition and i could start doing that stuff for her here. instead, i went to visit her today, and she was worse. much worse. face covered in drool, motionless, curled up in a spot of urine in her litterbox. i held her for the entire hour, petting her and talking to her, and she was barely responsive... to the point that, a couple of times, i thought she had died in my arms. before i left, i begged one of the techs to take her vital signs again, and told them how scared i was. they said they'd take care of her, and that i'd get a call from the attending vet this afternoon.

so, i got the call a little while ago. they want to know what they should do if her heart stops in the middle of the night. god. god. god. i can't stand this, sitting here at home not knowing what's going on there. if her heart stops, they won't even know it right away, because she's not on a monitor or anything. i didn't want it to be like this. i wanted her to die here, in my arms, where she felt safer... i always thought i'd have a vet come here and take care of it quickly. now she's in a cage, hooked up to tubes and covered in bandages... and if she dies tonight, i'll have totally failed her.

god, PLEASE let her make it through the night. please. i can't take this.