tough night.

[swingchickie]

the b.f. and i had a long (2 hour) talk last night. things aren't going well with the whole living together thing. we love each other so much, and we want this to work, but we're at such a loss. the problem is, even though we love each other and are very good to one another, we are fundamentally very different people. and living together is bringing that closer to home for us. we've been compromising to make things work... but where is the line between "compromise" and "lose yourself"?

got only 4 hours of sleep. today's going to be brutal.

Comments

[weezerthe1.livejournal.com]

yeah that is a real balancing act isn't it.
my children's father and i had a lot in common. except he was an alcoholic and i wasn't
my second and i didn't share a lot of interests and i found i gave up too much

next, i think i shall not be satisfied unless we share a lot of interests. not all, but a lot.

well at least you guys have open lines of communication from what i can see in your diary.

[swingchickie.livejournal.com]

yeah, our communication is pretty good, which helps immensely. but the problem is that each of us had to work out stuff inside us before we can see what to do. like, he and i are completely opposite socially... i have a bunch of friends scattered all over the place, he has one small group that he's known since they were 18. he likes to do stuff with his friends (movie nights, have dinner), where as i like to go out dancing, go to concerts, etc. with a bunch of folks. what it's come down to is that we do a lot of our activities with other people, and don't share a major hobby or anything.

it's been really confusing to me, because i've talked to various married couples i know (with good marriages), and everyone's got a different opinion. some people like having a whole life outside their relationship -- they say it keeps things fresh and gives them a break. others prefer to do almost everything with their spouse, as it brings them closer together.

for me, i go back and forth... sometimes i really do like the break, just seeing my friends on my own... having my own life... but then over the holidays, i went dancing with friends and saw a number of couples two-stepping together, and they looked so happy... and i longed for that. i ended up bawling about it later. i can't make a decision on it, because it varies from day to day. and i'm scared of making the wrong one.

[weezerthe1.livejournal.com]

and i'm scared of making the wrong one

ain't that the truth *sigh*

well i now have my standards set so high that i will never achieve them
especially considering the baggage i carry. and no, i don't consider my kids baggage per se but i do realize that most men would, so that lowers my chances of finding what i need and deserve.
read my post today about the book i am reading. that's the kinda man i want.
*sigh* i am a tired, hormonal and feeling sorry for myself girl today :-(