swingchickie | i've been out-of-sorts all day.

it's because i watched "michael jackson's this is it" this morning. i totally hadn't expected to be so moved by the movie -- i figured, "hey, jack's still sleeping and i'll watch some fun michael jackson footage while i eat breakfast". instead, when jack got up a couple of hours later, i was in tears as the final 5 minutes rolled.

it's hard for me to explain why i was so moved; i mean, i was a big michael fan in the 80s, but i was like the rest of the world in my confusion/amusement/disdain over what he'd become later in his life. roger ebert does a much better job than me at explaining why this movie is so amazing. but i can't recommend it highly enough. if you love behind-the-scenes documentaries, if you love dance, if you liked MJ's music, if you're a performer yourself, you'll love this movie.

i think what i felt most as i watched it was this profound sense of loss. the footage was taped during rehearsals for a 50-date concert extravaganza in london, for michael's personal archive, so the footage itself isn't super-slick or anything. but what it shows is that this concert, if it had gone off as planned, would have been a monster. it was a glorious spectacle that no-one but those in rehearsal ever got to see live, and that makes me so sad. they hired dancers and singers and musicians from all over the world, the best of the best. they shot creative movies for almost every song, to play on a giant screen behind the action onstage. and best of all, michael was in amazing form. you don't see a sickly, frail 50-year-old man who has to take a cocktail of drugs to get by; you see him keeping up with dancers less than half his age, hitting the high notes just as well as he did in his 20s (there's no britney-spears-esque lip synching with him), and absolutely loving the creative process of putting this wonderland of a show together. and the performers and crew honestly, geniunely love him... not out of a pandering hero-worship thing, but because he is incredibly nice to everyone working on the show. (when people screw up in the middle of a number, he goes, "it's OK, that's why we rehearse" instead of throwing any diva attitude.)

so, yeah, while the performances were glorious and exciting (the dancing alone is going to get me to watch it again), the knowledge of "this never made it to the arena" left me feeling really sad. not just for the audiences that never got to experience it, but also for all of these people who worked so hard to make it happen. every person performing their heart out onstage is in love with the moment -- they are up there completely geeking out that they are part of something that is going to knock people's socks off. and it's heartbreaking to watch them beaming up there, knowing that they have no idea in that moment that in a few weeks it's all going to come to an abrupt halt.

anyway, that's enough outta me. all i can say is, see it. just see it.