blasts from the past
Sep. 14th, 2004 01:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
swingchickieoh, the irony. i got an e-mail this morning that... just... well, if this were a movie, viewers would be rolling their eyes at how contrived the plot was.
the e-mail was from an old boyfriend, R, who i've kept in touch with over the years. R was the man i dated in college and after, and we were together for over 3 years. he was wonderful to me... being 10 years older than i was, he was much more grounded than me and gave me a real sense of stability while i was dealing with the craziness of school and exams and then a "real job". he was loving and funny and smart as hell. he was the man i lost my virginity to. we talked over the years about getting married. why did we break up after all that time? for a number of reasons... besides the fact that i was 23 and nowhere near ready to settle down, and felt like there was a lot of adventure out there waiting for me, there were two big things:
1. R was from wyoming, and eventually wanted to move back there for good. while wyoming is pretty, the thought of living there scared the hell out of me. it just didn't fit my lifestyle -- too few people, too much empty space. as i told him, "i just don't want to spend my final years dying out on the prairie."
2. R didn't want kids. at 23, i wasn't having any burning baby thoughts... but i figured i'd want kids someday, and didn't want to cut out that option.
so, we had a very sad breakup, parted ways, and stayed in touch over the years. in all that time, R only dated one other girl, a few years ago, which made me really upset. he's such a great guy, but he's just not the type of person to go to bars and pick up chicks... he's too intellectual for that. i really worried about him, because i feared that he was just going to accept being alone and that he was never going to find the contentment of having a soulmate. i cried at the thought of it a number of times over the years.
so, the e-mail today. R dropped me a line and told me his good news -- he's getting married. i'm so thrilled for him, that finally at 43 years old he's been able to find the love of his life. but here's the ironic part -- it seems that he and i have done a complete flip-flop. i don't want to spend forever in PA anymore, and he and his fiancee have bought a house there. and whereas i've changed my mind and decided not to have children, they are considering starting a family. odd, odd, odd. and of course, add to that my recent breakup with peter, over a variation of these same issues... wow. just... wow.
AND, i got another e-mail this morning, also from a college friend... B and i knew each other through the theatre program at school, and we spent 3 summers together running a kids' acting camp at the local community college. well, she got my e-mail from, of all people, R... and invited me to be her date at a wedding over halloween weekend... turns out that two of our campers are getting married!!! i remember a little flirtation between them back in 1992, when they were like 14 or 15 years old. now they're like 26, and they're tying the knot. and i'm going. oh my god, how crazy!
going to go lie down. i came home sick this afternoon, turns out i have a raging cold on top of feeling crappy from the breakup. someone up there has a rotten sense of humor. i wish i could just lie down, fall asleep, and have this be all over when i wake up. :(
the e-mail was from an old boyfriend, R, who i've kept in touch with over the years. R was the man i dated in college and after, and we were together for over 3 years. he was wonderful to me... being 10 years older than i was, he was much more grounded than me and gave me a real sense of stability while i was dealing with the craziness of school and exams and then a "real job". he was loving and funny and smart as hell. he was the man i lost my virginity to. we talked over the years about getting married. why did we break up after all that time? for a number of reasons... besides the fact that i was 23 and nowhere near ready to settle down, and felt like there was a lot of adventure out there waiting for me, there were two big things:
1. R was from wyoming, and eventually wanted to move back there for good. while wyoming is pretty, the thought of living there scared the hell out of me. it just didn't fit my lifestyle -- too few people, too much empty space. as i told him, "i just don't want to spend my final years dying out on the prairie."
2. R didn't want kids. at 23, i wasn't having any burning baby thoughts... but i figured i'd want kids someday, and didn't want to cut out that option.
so, we had a very sad breakup, parted ways, and stayed in touch over the years. in all that time, R only dated one other girl, a few years ago, which made me really upset. he's such a great guy, but he's just not the type of person to go to bars and pick up chicks... he's too intellectual for that. i really worried about him, because i feared that he was just going to accept being alone and that he was never going to find the contentment of having a soulmate. i cried at the thought of it a number of times over the years.
so, the e-mail today. R dropped me a line and told me his good news -- he's getting married. i'm so thrilled for him, that finally at 43 years old he's been able to find the love of his life. but here's the ironic part -- it seems that he and i have done a complete flip-flop. i don't want to spend forever in PA anymore, and he and his fiancee have bought a house there. and whereas i've changed my mind and decided not to have children, they are considering starting a family. odd, odd, odd. and of course, add to that my recent breakup with peter, over a variation of these same issues... wow. just... wow.
AND, i got another e-mail this morning, also from a college friend... B and i knew each other through the theatre program at school, and we spent 3 summers together running a kids' acting camp at the local community college. well, she got my e-mail from, of all people, R... and invited me to be her date at a wedding over halloween weekend... turns out that two of our campers are getting married!!! i remember a little flirtation between them back in 1992, when they were like 14 or 15 years old. now they're like 26, and they're tying the knot. and i'm going. oh my god, how crazy!
going to go lie down. i came home sick this afternoon, turns out i have a raging cold on top of feeling crappy from the breakup. someone up there has a rotten sense of humor. i wish i could just lie down, fall asleep, and have this be all over when i wake up. :(
