another crazy dream.

[swingchickie]

in it, i had to put angus to sleep, i don't know why. i also don't know why it happened at work, but it did. then someone from the vet's office came with a big pickup truck to pick up his body, and couldn't get it in the back of the truck because he had turned into this big giant person-sized cat that was too heavy to lift. the guy finally got angus in the back of the truck, and i looked in to see him with his eyes open, moving slightly. i freaked, screaming at the guy "he's still alive!!! how can he still be alive?!?! do we try to revive him, or try to put him to sleep again??? could we have been wrong and he was actually OK???" the guy brought him into an office to set up the stuff to try another attempt at putting him to rest, and i got called into another room by a co-worker to discuss something quickly... by the time i returned to the office, the guy had taken care of everything and sent angus's body off in the truck. and i had a massive screaming breakdown because i hadn't had the chance to hold him in his final moments.

ugh. i'm guessing that was a combination of all of the michael/farrah news coverage yesterday, and one of my every-so-often guilt dreams about monkey's passing. (for those who didn't know me at the time -- when i had to let her go, the drugs didn't work the first time, the memory of it still makes my blood run cold.) whatever the cause, it suuuucked.

EFFED-UP BRAIN, STOP IT.

Comments

[dear-amaranth.livejournal.com]

Holy crap. I normally skip posts about people's dreams, but I read this because the first words "put Angus to sleep" made my heart stop and I kept reading.

Then I realized it sounded exactly like the sort of thing I'd dream about, and wake up crying and not be able to recover from all day.

Then I got to the end and... your story about Monkey sounds just like what happened to my first cat, Thena. To this day I can hardly talk about it or even think about it. Maybe that's why I have dreams like that. Christ. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

[swingchickie.livejournal.com]

yeah, that was probably the worst thing i've ever experienced in my life. i was already devastated about having to make that decision, which came after months of chemo and many thousands of dollars spent to try to save her because she was the love of my life. then to have that happen... feeling completely helpless and wanting to protect her to her last moment... it put me in a really bad place for a long time. i still lose my s*** over it every few months. sigh.