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swingchickiethe move is over, and everyone and everything has survived intact.
i went out for a bit this morning to give the ex some space to finish packing. went to my WW weigh-in (down another 2 and 1/2 pounds, woot!), and drove around a bit, breathing in the rainy air to clear my head. i stopped at dunkin' donuts on the way home and got breakfast: a bagel and cream cheese for each of us, and a large black coffee for him (he's been dying ever since i switched to decaf, no sense in torturing the man on a day when he needs his strength). once home, i shook off the rain and toasted the bagels, and we sat for a bit in the living room, eating and telling each other we were sorry for everything. it was really bittersweet... we were sad for all the good things we were losing in each other, but we both admitted that we were looking forward to getting our lives back.
once the bagels were scarfed, he hit full-speed packing mode and i just stayed out of his way. i washed the dishes, did a load of his cat-pee-y laundry, straightened up my office. every once in a while we'd pause to divvy up some belongings: "i'm leaving the DVD player." "no, take it with you, i'll get a new one." "no really, i want to get a new one anyway, i'm giving it to you." "what do you want to do with all the Playmobil pirate toys?" "give them to Goodwill." and so it went for a couple of hours.
at 11, the ex's college friend and roommate (who he lived with before me) showed up to start loading up his car. they were really efficient, they did 7 or 8 trips within 5 hours, stopping only for pizza i'd ordered around 2. it was amazing to see the place morph back into mine as his things slowly disappeared, leaving balls of cat hair and dust in their wake... at one point, he moved his desk and bookcase, which he'd never cleaned under in a whole year... and i swear, there was an entire cat balled up behind there. i scooped up a fistful of gray fuzz and ran it to the garbage as if it were a cootie. he grinned sheepishly, "i'll bet you're going to clean a lot when i'm gone, huh?" if he only knew. i mean, i'm not like monica from "friends", but i get really antsy when the apartment is really dirty. and the ex hates to clean... so the place has been really dirty, and so i've been really antsy. i have a huge bottle of lavender-scented floor cleaner to scrub the shiznit out of the hardwoods tomorrow.
i took a brief nap around 4... i was exhausted from no sleep last night, and my brain was buzzing from the new look of the apartment. he called at 4:30 to let me know they were coming by for their last pickup, and he wanted to say goodbye. i looked around the apartment, and the dusty, cat-hair-y floors, and wondered if i had time to vacuum, as my allergies were starting to go haywire. but i held off... there's something so "fuck you" about vacuuming before the other person is completely gone. like you can't wait to have every skin cell of them gone. my dad actually did that to my mom, when they headed towards divorce my senior year of college... after a very painful decision to separate, she and my grandmother (her mom) moved all of her stuff out of the house... and when my mom went into the living room to say a tearful goodbye, he stood there and vacuumed as she cried. i wasn't there to witness it, but the thought of it has never left me. so i didn't want to to the same to J, didn't want to ruin what has been really nice so far.
J came by a short time after, and we hugged goodbye and kissed each other on the cheek. i'm not sure where the cats were but i'm glad they weren't in the room... J is little angus's buddy, and the sight of angus looking up at him for the last time would have ripped me to shreds. funny how i'm more worried about my cat's feelings than mine... but he's not going to understand where the ex went, whereas i'm already at peace with the whole thing.
so, once J had finally gone, i looked around the apartment, and took out the vacuum. i cleaned the hell out of those floors, sucking up every last cat hair and old dorito and speck of dust i could find. i needed to clean the slate. then i went to my linens storage and took out the new towels i'd bought a couple of weeks ago... the whitest, softest, fluffiest towels i'd ever seen. and i went into my bathroom and took a long, LONG hot shower, and dried myself off with my beautiful white towel... and as i looked at myself in the foggy mirror, white terrycloth piled on my head, i smiled.
i went out for a bit this morning to give the ex some space to finish packing. went to my WW weigh-in (down another 2 and 1/2 pounds, woot!), and drove around a bit, breathing in the rainy air to clear my head. i stopped at dunkin' donuts on the way home and got breakfast: a bagel and cream cheese for each of us, and a large black coffee for him (he's been dying ever since i switched to decaf, no sense in torturing the man on a day when he needs his strength). once home, i shook off the rain and toasted the bagels, and we sat for a bit in the living room, eating and telling each other we were sorry for everything. it was really bittersweet... we were sad for all the good things we were losing in each other, but we both admitted that we were looking forward to getting our lives back.
once the bagels were scarfed, he hit full-speed packing mode and i just stayed out of his way. i washed the dishes, did a load of his cat-pee-y laundry, straightened up my office. every once in a while we'd pause to divvy up some belongings: "i'm leaving the DVD player." "no, take it with you, i'll get a new one." "no really, i want to get a new one anyway, i'm giving it to you." "what do you want to do with all the Playmobil pirate toys?" "give them to Goodwill." and so it went for a couple of hours.
at 11, the ex's college friend and roommate (who he lived with before me) showed up to start loading up his car. they were really efficient, they did 7 or 8 trips within 5 hours, stopping only for pizza i'd ordered around 2. it was amazing to see the place morph back into mine as his things slowly disappeared, leaving balls of cat hair and dust in their wake... at one point, he moved his desk and bookcase, which he'd never cleaned under in a whole year... and i swear, there was an entire cat balled up behind there. i scooped up a fistful of gray fuzz and ran it to the garbage as if it were a cootie. he grinned sheepishly, "i'll bet you're going to clean a lot when i'm gone, huh?" if he only knew. i mean, i'm not like monica from "friends", but i get really antsy when the apartment is really dirty. and the ex hates to clean... so the place has been really dirty, and so i've been really antsy. i have a huge bottle of lavender-scented floor cleaner to scrub the shiznit out of the hardwoods tomorrow.
i took a brief nap around 4... i was exhausted from no sleep last night, and my brain was buzzing from the new look of the apartment. he called at 4:30 to let me know they were coming by for their last pickup, and he wanted to say goodbye. i looked around the apartment, and the dusty, cat-hair-y floors, and wondered if i had time to vacuum, as my allergies were starting to go haywire. but i held off... there's something so "fuck you" about vacuuming before the other person is completely gone. like you can't wait to have every skin cell of them gone. my dad actually did that to my mom, when they headed towards divorce my senior year of college... after a very painful decision to separate, she and my grandmother (her mom) moved all of her stuff out of the house... and when my mom went into the living room to say a tearful goodbye, he stood there and vacuumed as she cried. i wasn't there to witness it, but the thought of it has never left me. so i didn't want to to the same to J, didn't want to ruin what has been really nice so far.
J came by a short time after, and we hugged goodbye and kissed each other on the cheek. i'm not sure where the cats were but i'm glad they weren't in the room... J is little angus's buddy, and the sight of angus looking up at him for the last time would have ripped me to shreds. funny how i'm more worried about my cat's feelings than mine... but he's not going to understand where the ex went, whereas i'm already at peace with the whole thing.
so, once J had finally gone, i looked around the apartment, and took out the vacuum. i cleaned the hell out of those floors, sucking up every last cat hair and old dorito and speck of dust i could find. i needed to clean the slate. then i went to my linens storage and took out the new towels i'd bought a couple of weeks ago... the whitest, softest, fluffiest towels i'd ever seen. and i went into my bathroom and took a long, LONG hot shower, and dried myself off with my beautiful white towel... and as i looked at myself in the foggy mirror, white terrycloth piled on my head, i smiled.
