*whew*!

wow, i feel SO much better today. the bug has vacated my system, and now i'm left to pick up the pieces. yesterday totally sucked, i haven't had a stomach flu in years and i'd forgotten how awful they are. i spent most of the day sleeping so i wouldn't feel the nausea. every once in a while i'd get up, barf up some purple gatorade, then back to sleep. my body felt like i'd been beaten with lead pipes, everything hurt.

D was such a big help through all of this. he bought me saltines, gatorade, and pepto... and then just sat quietly by, doing stuff on his laptop, while i slept. when i was awake, he was offering to refill the gatorade, bringing me saltines if i was hungry... he even gave me a massage to help my aching back. what a doll.

relationship ruminations

so, i started analyzing some of my past relationships today. i guess it was the combo of boredom and low blood sugar from being home sick all weekend with barely anything to eat... but i started thinking about some of the people i've dated, and what went wrong, and whether i should have seen it coming much, much earlier.

like, the ex. wonderful guy, but we just had so many differences, in every facet of the relationship. and it wasn't a big deal at first, didn't in fact become a big deal until we'd moved in together. but should i have been stricter in the beginning? said that he wasn't a complete and total match with me, and so it shouldn't progress?

or the person i dated last summer, who i fell for way too quickly... whose sensitivity (which i was attracted to) turned out to be just staggering immaturity (which i certainly wasn't attracted to)... and who i discovered has a sad tendency to manipulate situations to make himself look better in others' eyes. were there hints there that i should have picked up from the get-go? what was i missing?

and so, of course, i think of D. so fun and sweet and good to me, and i'm sososooo happy. but is my happiness just temporary? is there something hidden, some flaw that i'm not picking up yet? am i going to look back a month, a year, 10 years from now and say "it was there all along", just like i've done before?