swingchickie | the aftermath

so, yeah, the next several weeks are going to suck. i just have to process it, and know that there will be times that i'll smile from my memories of monkey, and times when i'm going to be a sobbing mess. the apartment definitely seems empty without her awesome personality filling it up... although, sadly, angus seems happy to have the place, and me, to himself.

as i fell asleep last night, i had a flashback to how i fell asleep the night before. i've been sleeping on the sofa still, and so my head was near the headrest as i hunkered down... monkey climbed up on the headrest by my head, curled up there, made a few adjustments, and pressed her forehead against mine. and that's how we both fell asleep: forehead to forehead. it was the sweetest thing ever.

i had a dream about her last night, which was no surprise. i'm sure i'll be having them for a while. i woke up feeling so happy, as if she was actually with me. to some degree, i feel like her spirit really is here still, and i especially felt it in the middle of the night last night. i just wish there was a way to physically hold a spirit... after sleeping with her in my arms for 11 years, it's going to be hard to not feel her there anymore.

teleconference in an hour. ugh. i just want to go back to bed for a month.