*sigh*.

[swingchickie]

last night was just awful. has to go down as one of the top 10 worst nights of my life. i got an update at 7pm that monkey's condition was the same... and then came the long overnight wait, because there'd be no more updates until 10 this morning. if they called, it would be because she was dead or close to it. i'm amazed that i even slept at all -- i was in that constant state of terror, you know the feeling you got in your stomach when you were a kid and realized there was a project due that you hadn't done? that was my stomach, times 10, all night. i couldn't keep any food down, couldn't stop pacing... ugh. i think i finally fell asleep around 2am, and got about 3 hours. and no phone call, which is encouraging. but i won't be able to really calm down until i talk to her regular doctor (the oncologist, she's been off all weekend) and/or see her for myself at noon visitation today, and know that she's bouncing back.

the ex (the one i lived with until last summer, maybe i should start calling him J2) came over for a while last night to keep me company. it was a huge help and i owe him big time. he brought me a box of godiva truffles and the DVD of "dodgeball" and hugged me while i bawled for a while. by the time we'd finished watching "rock star: INXS", i was a little bit calmer, at least enough to do my end-of-week report for work and e-mail it in. and i was exhausted... i thought i'd finally sleep like a baby. but as soon as he left, and i was alone, the nervous stomach and retching and pacing started for the overnight shift. *sigh*.

i don't know how people with really sick children do it. how do you not go out of your mind, knowing that the little baby you love so much is sick and scared and lying in a hospital covered in tubes and bandages? i can't get that image of her out of my mind.

i'm crossing my fingers until i see her... 5 hours and counting...

Comments

[netjunki-23.livejournal.com]

* hugs hugs * I wish I could make u feel better

[naughtyboy.livejournal.com]

A friend of mine went through a similar experience with a much different outcome http://www.livejournal.com/users/moodvertigo/57894.html?#cutid1

[katehaney.livejournal.com]

Oh sweetheart, it sounds as if you're going through absolute hell. I'm so very sorry. Please call/email/IM/send up smoke signals if there's anything I can do to help.

I'll be thinking about you.

Big smooshy hugs.

[swingchickie.livejournal.com]

thanks darling. *hug* right back. i hope it's ok if we postpose sushi and baby therapy for a week or so, until the craziness has died down?

[katehaney.livejournal.com]

Of course. Just holler whenever you're up for it. We'd love to see you any time.

And Teddy says "AAAAAAAAAAH," by which I'm sure he means that he can hardly wait to see you and give you a big wet kiss.