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swingchickiebeen on a real rollercoaster of emotions over the last few days. literally, i can be very content one moment, the next i'm on the verge of tears, then a few minutes later i'm annoyed at someone, and then back to happy. it's like, there's all of these really good things and really bad things happening in my life... and i can't just stop and focus on feeling the emotions from one before one of the others takes center stage for a bit.
my uncle (dad's brother) had a stroke last week. a bad one. he's been in a coma for days, and the doctors aren't hopeful that he's going to pull out of it (or have any decent quality of life if he does). but the thing is, i'm not close to my uncle at all... my dad's side of the family just isn't really close in general. so i'm going through all of these wacky emotions, because the sadness i'm feeling is more like if you heard that a co-worker's parent had a stroke. i'm sad, but in a detatched way. which of course makes me feel guilty on top of it. then, add to that the fact that my dad is not a really emotional guy... so he's being totally stoic about the situation, which is even more confusing. do i want him to cry? get really depressed? i don't know. all i do know is i have a relative in the hospital, who will probably be gone within a week or two, and everyone in the family is discussing the situation as if they're in biology class instead of showing how they feel. it's screwing me up. and don't even get me started about how much this is reminding me that my parents are getting older... this uncle is my dad's younger brother. it's scaring the heck out of me.
a guy i knew when i was just out of college has been going through his own hell over the last few months. this is the ex-husband of one of my good friends, and i haven't seen him since before i moved to boston. this past fall, doctors discovered that he had an inoperable brain tumor, that has been slowly taking away his short-term memory, control of his bodily functions, and makes him hallucinate sometimes. he's had numerous surgeries to try to slow things down, and has been in the hospital for weeks, but things just aren't improving. it's a really emotional situation for my friend, and i'm trying to be supportive of her, but don't know how. his wife (new wife, not the friend of mine) blogs several times a day about his progress, so i've been able to follow how he's doing. the amazing thing is that this poor woman is losing her husband before her very eyes, and after only being married for 3 years has to come to terms with the fact that she may lose him... all of this on top of caring for their baby and finishing grad school in a few weeks... and she and their friends are actually able to find humor and beauty in the situation where they can. they are involved in an improv comedy troupe here in philly, and so they (and the people around them) are just really funny people... and their stories in the blog make it both inspiring and devastating to me to read their accounts of his day-by-day progress.
i'm finding myself annoyed by C. i'm not sure if it's a product of my emotional situation, or the fact that he really is annoying. *snort* i'm trying to be an adult and sort everything out, but in the meantime i'm mildly dreading spending the entire day in NY with him on sunday. we've both been really busy and haven't talked in 2 days, and i'm not even bothered by it. *sigh*.
now for some good news: i got another award at work. nice. the weather has been beautiful all week. double nice. also, i started working out again this morning, it's the first time i've been on a treadmill in 6 months. i'm not sure how i dragged myself out of bed at 5 in the morning, since i've been trying to do that since i moved here and every morning i reset the alarm for 6... but somehow i did it, and had a good workout. nice nice nice...
trying to think of more good thoughts...
my uncle (dad's brother) had a stroke last week. a bad one. he's been in a coma for days, and the doctors aren't hopeful that he's going to pull out of it (or have any decent quality of life if he does). but the thing is, i'm not close to my uncle at all... my dad's side of the family just isn't really close in general. so i'm going through all of these wacky emotions, because the sadness i'm feeling is more like if you heard that a co-worker's parent had a stroke. i'm sad, but in a detatched way. which of course makes me feel guilty on top of it. then, add to that the fact that my dad is not a really emotional guy... so he's being totally stoic about the situation, which is even more confusing. do i want him to cry? get really depressed? i don't know. all i do know is i have a relative in the hospital, who will probably be gone within a week or two, and everyone in the family is discussing the situation as if they're in biology class instead of showing how they feel. it's screwing me up. and don't even get me started about how much this is reminding me that my parents are getting older... this uncle is my dad's younger brother. it's scaring the heck out of me.
a guy i knew when i was just out of college has been going through his own hell over the last few months. this is the ex-husband of one of my good friends, and i haven't seen him since before i moved to boston. this past fall, doctors discovered that he had an inoperable brain tumor, that has been slowly taking away his short-term memory, control of his bodily functions, and makes him hallucinate sometimes. he's had numerous surgeries to try to slow things down, and has been in the hospital for weeks, but things just aren't improving. it's a really emotional situation for my friend, and i'm trying to be supportive of her, but don't know how. his wife (new wife, not the friend of mine) blogs several times a day about his progress, so i've been able to follow how he's doing. the amazing thing is that this poor woman is losing her husband before her very eyes, and after only being married for 3 years has to come to terms with the fact that she may lose him... all of this on top of caring for their baby and finishing grad school in a few weeks... and she and their friends are actually able to find humor and beauty in the situation where they can. they are involved in an improv comedy troupe here in philly, and so they (and the people around them) are just really funny people... and their stories in the blog make it both inspiring and devastating to me to read their accounts of his day-by-day progress.
i'm finding myself annoyed by C. i'm not sure if it's a product of my emotional situation, or the fact that he really is annoying. *snort* i'm trying to be an adult and sort everything out, but in the meantime i'm mildly dreading spending the entire day in NY with him on sunday. we've both been really busy and haven't talked in 2 days, and i'm not even bothered by it. *sigh*.
now for some good news: i got another award at work. nice. the weather has been beautiful all week. double nice. also, i started working out again this morning, it's the first time i've been on a treadmill in 6 months. i'm not sure how i dragged myself out of bed at 5 in the morning, since i've been trying to do that since i moved here and every morning i reset the alarm for 6... but somehow i did it, and had a good workout. nice nice nice...
trying to think of more good thoughts...
