relationship ruminations

[swingchickie]

so, i started analyzing some of my past relationships today. i guess it was the combo of boredom and low blood sugar from being home sick all weekend with barely anything to eat... but i started thinking about some of the people i've dated, and what went wrong, and whether i should have seen it coming much, much earlier.

like, the ex. wonderful guy, but we just had so many differences, in every facet of the relationship. and it wasn't a big deal at first, didn't in fact become a big deal until we'd moved in together. but should i have been stricter in the beginning? said that he wasn't a complete and total match with me, and so it shouldn't progress?

or the person i dated last summer, who i fell for way too quickly... whose sensitivity (which i was attracted to) turned out to be just staggering immaturity (which i certainly wasn't attracted to)... and who i discovered has a sad tendency to manipulate situations to make himself look better in others' eyes. were there hints there that i should have picked up from the get-go? what was i missing?

and so, of course, i think of D. so fun and sweet and good to me, and i'm sososooo happy. but is my happiness just temporary? is there something hidden, some flaw that i'm not picking up yet? am i going to look back a month, a year, 10 years from now and say "it was there all along", just like i've done before?

Comments

noooooooooo!

[swingdoc.livejournal.com]

for the love of pete and all things holy don't second-guess yourself!! i mean, an honest appraisal is one thing, but to look for problems that aren't there is allowing past ghosts way more power than they deserve! one thing you can do is ask friends what they think - your true friends will tell you. heck, i would have told you if you had asked me, but i'd never ever volunteer something like that. ya know?

Re: noooooooooo!

[katehaney.livejournal.com]

What SwingDoc said. Denial is one thing... analysis paralysis is the other end of the spectrum. Carpe D, darlin'. Or at least allow yourself to live in and enjoy the moment.

Re: noooooooooo!

[swingchickie.livejournal.com]

hehe in retrospect, i think the volunteerin' would have been good. *grin* but usually, the problems are things the friends can't see... like in the case of the ex, my friends all LOVED him... little did they know that he was so insistent on having his own separate life that, for example, he made us split the fridge down the middle and had his own cabinet for his own food. that's a private thing, and one of the things that led to the end. i guess if the friends can see a flaw, it's pretty obvious. :)

Re: noooooooooo!

[swingchickie.livejournal.com]

oh, i definitely am enjoying myself. :) and i promise i won't worry myself to death, i just wonder sometimes if i have some big judgement flaw that i'm not acknowledging. *grin*

[12thknight.livejournal.com]

Jennifer, not that you asked, but...

I think that second-guessing yourself can only be destructive. You can create, through defensive uncomfortable distance, the very problems you hope to avoid - the very paragon of a self-fulfilling prophecy. And spending time looking for the needle robs you of all the pleasure of, well, rolling in the haystack.

Be glad that you're happy now, enjoy the time now, let your feelings mature and deepen in their own time. You, as I've said many times, deserve all these good things. You have for a very long time.

::hug::

[swingchickie.livejournal.com]

as i posted in the previous reply, i'm not doing anything to create a "defensive uncomfortable distance" between myself and D. i've seen that done to me oh so recently, and i would never do that to him because i care about him very much.

that said, i would appreciate it if you wouldn't post in my journal anymore. you've said some misleading things about me in yours, and then locked it so that i couldn't see it anymore... and then you post this to make yourself look good, because as you told me, there are women who read your journal who have been reading this one as well. your words on the screen are not like your actions, and i would prefer to not have feedback from someone who is not truthful.

thank you.

Are you kidding me

[(Anonymous)]

I have read quite a number of your entries and have finally had it. You are undoubtedly the most self centered individual I have ever seen. I love the way you are the victim in all these relationships. I guess it has conveniently escaped your mind that YOU are the common denominator. The problem is not with them, um could it be, say it isn’t so....YOU. You are so scared to live outside your comfort zone you blame others for your failed relationships. It is even a burden for you to see your familty. Interesting how a total stranger, that at first really enjoyed your writing style now has such distain for you and can see right through to the very essence of your being. God for-bid you don’t have your money pit investment a.k.a. your cats, swing dancing, constant failed attempts at weight loss, ability to spend way too much money on ridiculous, inappropriate, not suited for you body style clothes, and least we not forget your stomach/health issues to keep you busy. You could make a career out of all that alone. You get what you ask for in these programs. You can’t actually think that you can put this all out here and not have others have an opinion about your pathetic life.
I love the way you ask some of the other LJ members not to post on your LJ anymore. Hmm why could this be? Do they speak the truth that you desperately do not want others to know? Perhaps how you jump so easily from one relationship to another? Not to mention one bed to another. Have you ever notices how quickly you start to have relations once in a new relationship? Then run to your PC and then POST about it like it is a trophy. How sad you are that the only way to begin a relationship for you is Chat, DATE and the jump into bed. Have you EVER taken any time to look at ‘you’ without a man in your life, is it so bad, is that why you run from one relationship to another without a moment to breath?
Let’s look into the crystal ball shall we……In your future I see a very pathetic, lonely old woman with a bottle of hooker red hair dye in one hand (you know the kind that stains all your ill fitting clothes and linens), remote in the other hand flipping to every reality show on TV thinking that you are still cool, young and hip and can totally relate to the all, a ill cat that should have been put to sleep long ago in your lap and still second guessing all the relationships she was in, saying “I’m perfect, always have been, it could have never been me that was the problem. Yet here I sit alone.”
I will leave you with this thought. “People in glass houses should not throw stones.”

Re: Are you kidding me

[swingchickie.livejournal.com]

hi! *waves*

you are absolutely welcome to have whatever opinion you'd like of me. it's just really odd to see that someone could get so angry and worked up over reading the journal of a person they don't know, forming opinions based on little snippets of my life that i choose on whatever whim to write about. i've never claimed to be perfect, never said i should be a candidate for sainthood. all i do is write about stuff that comes to me, be it good or bad, serious or frivolous.

so, enjoy reading. i didn't realize i could be so provocative. :)